Love Lost, Love Found, Love Lost Again

The last time I fell in love was a few years ago. I gave my heart away and I never really got it back. It doesn’t mean that I haven’t moved on. I just can’t love another person (yet) the way I loved that other guy. It’s not fair, I know. Love’s not fair anyway. The typical “realistic” love story is, A loves B, B loves C, C loves D.

I’m a self-confessed meanie. I’ve unilaterally decided to break up with this guy I’m seeing.He’ll find out when he checks my Friendster. Why confront something you can avoid? After I changed it, I decided to have an awkward silence with God and followed my stoic-still-lovesick heart to a confession.

I feel bad that every relationship I’ve had ends in a disaster and I leave a bad aftertaste. I did the right thing. I am known to do stupid things because I think I’m doing the right thing. Anyway, it wouldn’t have been fair to have led him along and then break his heart before he takes the bar exam. I’m mean but I’m not satan’s spawn.

I’m chucking my chagrin overboard. I need to be by myself. Not alone but not part of a “couple”. I’m no good to somebody else until I’m good with only me.

Screwed unscrewed.