I’ve got a pile of cases to read for Wills tomorrow. It’s sheer luck that Atty. Venturranza didn’t show up in class tonight. Didn’t study din naman e. I have a knack for feeling these things.
I Know I should be studying right now but I had a chat earlier with Lai and the fix that one of our law school friends is in put me in such a dire mood. I feel so bad for her. Ofcourse I can never really relate since I’ve never been married and I’ve never had kids (Thank God!) and I can’t have even come close to how she feels right now — but I know how it feels to be in an abusive relationship. I have the worst taste in men and impliedly that is an admission that I am a poor judge of character (express na!). I’m not exactly gullible but I do have a ‘savior complex’. It’s not just me. Most of my law school gal pals do.
I can only speak for myself here, but washed-up guys are an attraction to me. I feel as if I owe it to them to put them in a tad better position than they are currently in when I found them. I’m all for equal rights but not gender neutral on a similar situation. I don’t know why. There’s something about ‘those’ guys which appeal to the cocktail of chemicals in my brain and with a mad gleam in my eye, i dive head-on with an over whelming rush to ‘save’ them from whatever bullshit rut they’ve managed to put themselves in. Maybe it’s the "glory" attributable to me when I feel like I’ve turned them into a better person. That altruistic feeling!! BUT, after I’ve taken that dive, I find out that there’s no water in the pool. That I can never change a person. That I can never really start with a clean slate. That I can never really have it all back especially when the whole thing’s a mess and the relationship’s fundamentally broken. Unless I try my hardest and that would mean that I’m just turning a blind eye (MARTYR!?). Dealing with it in silent desperation. I’m not that type of person. I’m forgiving but not forgetful and up until my year of maturity, vengeful and scheming.
I know that all I can be for my friend is to be there for her. To try to console her and NOT give her advice. I’m in my worst when giving advice. They’re not exactly sound.
Better hit the books and cases before Atty. Cruz gets my sorry ass.