After downing several shots of latte over the past week, i decided to help myself get some shut-eye by downing a sedative. Foz! Guess what, you were right. If you try to fight that drowsy feeling of gravity pulling down on your lids and your consciousness slipping into limbo, you really start to hallucinate!! Was fun for a while but then I couldn’t recall the exact time i lost consciousness. Might be between the dancing gypsies (or I think they might be ethereal beings, but not quite angels — mumu!) or the ringing in my ears.
Going back. I don’t wanna sound like a metaphysical guru but I think God tried to call me last night through some sort of freaky out-of-body-experience; or maybe it was some sort of garrish nightmare! I couldn’t tell. Anyhow, I dreamt that the Grim Ripper was giving chase at me. I’ve dreamnt of this a couple of times before but this one seemed peculiarly real. Wouldn’t have thought it weird if not for the fact that I was watching the crummy chase scene from above; bird’s-eye view kind of thing. Shit scarey on my part and it made me think of my own mortality.
Couldn’t go back to sleep after that. It was 7am and it was the earliest I’ve ever been up on my own volition. Shifted to morbid mode and pondered about my wasted existence. Was it a premonition? Maybe on my next birthday, i’ll ask everyone everyone to come in black with matching veils and hire banshees to howl and wail. On second thought, maybe not. I’m known to party with free flowing beer on my birthday and I wouldn’t be living up to my standard. Besides, only my morbid friends would attend and they are a tough crowd to please.
"If Only". Damn do I hate this movie! It made me cry. And it made me realize the depth of my lonely and pathetic existence! Now I feel like hurling myself over a ravine or maybe pull a trigger to my head. Scratch that! Why would I make those ugly sad-sacks who make my life hell everyday happy by killing myself when I could make their’s miserable simply by existing!
*Note to everyone who’s been pestering me to play the field (you know who you are, my so-called-friends!! hehe) — bugger off! I am single by choice and I am playing the field! When I’ve come to a decision, I’ll tell you guys about it. I’ve got what Jessica Zafra calls option paralysis. According to her, it’s when one is faced with viable options which makes it hard to decide. Don’t give me that crap about me having a commitment problem coz I DON’T. I’m just taking my own sweet-assed time. I’ve resolved that after jansen, i wont be the "dumpee" anymore. I’ve enjoyed being the "dumper" the past month. Don’t you go stealing my thunder! Besides, instead of falling insanely inlove, this time around i’ll try to fall sanely inlove. If there is such a thing.
To the lawyers, law students, and fratmen who has been hitting on me since I got back from vaca, take this as a caveat. You know what I mean. Read between the lines.