Slim Pickin’s

This was supposed to have been posted a couple of weeks
ago. I never got around to posting it but am posting it now for posterity’s

Tea or coffee? Sugar? Cream?
That’s just a beverage and you’ve just woken up. Ever realized how many choices
you have to make in a day? Some decisions are as mundane as choosing a beverage
or whether you’re gonna have the wish stick left in your pack of cigs or save
it for later. But then again, you’re not always blessed with a choice. Or maybe
you are, but then it’s a toss between saving face or being a doormat.

I think the toughest decision to make is one that
concerns matters of the heart. You either live with it or deal with it.
Breaking up consumes a lot of energy. It sucks everything from you. It suspends
you in some kind of limbo and stops you from functioning like a real person. It
turns you into a zombie and before you realize it, you’re just going through
the motions of existing. Struggling through a routine to just get the day over
with and then dragging yourself to doing the same routine the next day and the
days after that. Most times, it just lasts for a couple of days. You break up,
you give a good cry, and you move on. That simple. But when you’re as unlucky
as having found the love of your life and losing him because you’ve had a rough
day, it drags on for weeks, months or maybe even years. You feel like the
accursed being that’s been punished to roll a boulder up a hill only to have it
roll back over at you when you get to the top.

Love sucks and so do lovers. *Tama ba, bob?*

Last night, I had the displeasure of having to lose
someone I feel deeply for. True love if you may call it so. Was so damned tired
and I didn’t have the energy to stretch my patience. I don’t know if I’ll ever
get him back or if I’ll ever get to talk or see him again. All I know is that I
deeply loved him and I lost him, in a blink of an eye, over a lousy text
message. Something about what he said just made me snap and all of a sudden I
felt like I was being taken for a ride, taken for granted, and it’s all because
he’s one of those guys who doesn’t say what he really feels. The kind who hurls
out sarcastic remarks over sms where you can never really tell if he’s being
sincere or if he’s making a face while tapping the keys. Texting something like
“ok enjoy”. How am I supposed to construe that? Do I take it literally or am I
supposed to be stupid; ask him every time he lets out a remark like that if he’s
being sarcastic? Maybe I should just ask him to tell me that he’s being
sarcastic in the same message where he’s lashing sarcasm out at me.

Sometimes you’ve got to hate technology. It makes
everything so freakingly easy and ironically, complicated.

I don’t think I’ll love anybody else after him.


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