Ever woke up in the dead of the
night and feel that something isn’t right but you just can’t point your finger
at it? Scary huh? I hate it when that happens.

You know what else is scary? Going out with a friend for
drinks and almost getting raped. He’s not the type of friend you’re close to.
Just someone you know from school and has shared a few rounds with after a
tough day of recits or exams. Someone who has the same “problems of the heart”
as you do and getting zonked is just another way of dulling the pain that
usually comes with loving someone. Everything’s dandy as the alcohol kicks in, until the groping begins.
You fend it off. Then the groping turns
to brute force and your body instinctively fights it off. You get away with an
extremely lucky break with bruises you can’t explain the day after. 

What’s as scary as this? Being
the person the “almost rape victim” calls for help and you’re in Tagaytay on a
tryst and you can’t respond to the call for help other than call another friend
who lives in the vicinity. The guilt trip really gets to you when the whole
ordeal is over and you think about everything that transpired. Is it your fault
or the victim’s?

This happened last night. It made
me fear for my own mortality.

I hate reality checks. It makes
you realize that your life isn’t as charmed as you thought it was. Especially
when you’ve gone though a really bad time and things are just beginning to
settle down. I also hate nursing a broken heart. I’ve been nursing one for a
month now and it doesn’t look like the sun is going to shine anytime soon.

My problems are stacked a mile high and I’m hopeless.

Annoy is right. It all begins
and ends with love.  

I want to fall in love. Not the constricting kind of love
that most of us have gotten used to. Certainly not the ‘love-a-likes’. Not the
overrated kind you see on tv, the movies, or the kind you read about in books.

The carefree kind. The kind where you hold hands and
everything is alright with the world. No worries. No jealousy. You fight but
then you make up. No complications. The kind you don’t lose hope over. The kind you don’t need make promises
to stick around because you know that he’s yours and you’re his and nothing
will come between you.

With my luck, it’s never going to happen.

TTFN.. Still have a broken heart to nurse. 


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