In the name of full disclosure, I should tell you that I am a hideous loser. I never keep my baser emotions to myself. I whine, I bicker, I curse. If I repress myself, I get zits,falling hair, the risk of heart attacks or worse. It’s not the best of manners but dishonesty is a sin. Ain’t human nature a strange and twisted thing?
I will be turning 26 in a couple of days. I’m still in school. I still live with my parents. I’m still not married. The future looks bleak. Regardless of the wildly divergent interpretations made by my peers, I am officially a LOSER!!
Of all the three enumerated loser-some traits, I most hate that everyone has married before me. My cousins are now parents and are thankfully done with school. I, on the other hand, is still basking (??) in single-dom. I don’t think I’ll ever walk the aisle as a bride. It ain’t me. It’s just not in the cards and not in the stars. Why don’t my parents just stick me in an iceberg and send me off to sea?
Well, of course, there’s a possibility that I would steal away to some exotic destination and elope but then that doesn’t make me married. Came pretty close once but then the stark reality that "engaged is not married" hit us. I’m not cut out to be a wife. However, I do believe that I am cut out to be holed up in a bunker somehow with a well-behaved monkey.
I should have expected it. Every family has a "zorayda" or "richie d’ horsey’ among them. I am my family’s "zorayda". Not exactly ugly but not pleasing to look at either. My female cousins are tall and mestizas and I’m short and stout. To give a cinematic reference, whenever I’d stand next to them, we’d resemble Dorothy and a Munchkin from The Wizard of Oz. I’ll just have to face it, I’m ugly, that makes it hard for my parents to "sail" me.
Since I can’t be "bimbo-esque" like my cousins, I’m lucky that my friends have got me wired. On a good day, they indulge my empty meaningless words tumbling out of my mouth about my bizarre carnie fantasies. Seriously, I have at one point in my life, decided to run away from home to join the circus. It never materialized. Mainly because I wasn’t able to steal away with it when it hit town where I grew up; and there aren’t any circuses here in Manila when I relocated, only "peryas" and that’s so uugghh.
Can’t wait for the 28th. Can’t wait for a demonic vortex to suck me in or maybe spew me off into an alternate universe.
In the meantime, I’ll be forming a secret club for only the "cool" aka *loser-poseur*.
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