lucid dementia

“As I started to picture the trees in the storm, the answer began to
dawn on me. The trees in the storm don’t try to stand up straight and
tall and erect. They allow themselves to bend and be blown with the
wind. They understand the power of letting go. Those trees and those
branches that try to stand up strong and straight are the ones that
break. Now is not the time for me to be strong, or, I too, will break.”

If i wasn’t crazy before, I’m pretty sure I’m crazy now. The review has got me going in circles. I haven’t even finished first reading yet. Everyday I wake up, light a cig, and stare at the stack of reviewers, memo aids, case digests at the foot of my bed. When I’m done with my cig, I light another one. When I’m done with that, I get on the treadmill, run for an hour, take a shower, then stare at my stack of readings again. In between the staring and the smoking, I laugh at the most senseless things. It can’t be plain happiness. I feel giddy. Weird. Weird na talaga ako dati pa but this is next level ka weirdohan. I’ve also started saying the stupidest things and I’ve more than once embarrassed myself. OMFG!! I’m turning into *******!!

A friend of mine had a nervous breakdown at about the same time last year while she was reviewing. I think the same might happen to me. I’ll just do what I’m used to doing, going with the flow. Come to think of it, it won’t be so bad to have a break down, she’s a lawyer now.


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